Who am I?

by Javed

I am a student in the department of journalism and a common person this I realized after a very long period when I did my diploma in engineering but I always thought that I am not made for it because I can’t deal with machines , I hated their noises I liked always talk to people, I think I have the quality of talking with the people but I am weak to choose the words , I believe I have the plantation to listen someone for long time and can make someone to listen myself too but I never tried to face the people that’s why maybe I couldn’t develop my skill of using words I like people to discuss with them but I feel people whom with I discuss they mind it ,

 I always think about myself that I can do better than anyone who have good stages, but I  think for it I am not able because if I like anyone then I never can say in front of them their mistakes , very soon I can be hurt, because very soon I forget reality it is my weakness ,

 I never trusted on myself but it’s also true that I am not follower of luck too but many of my works which I couldn’t do but have don easily and many time I tested my luck but it never supported me, I think I am confused and it’s not good for me but if I got anything today that’s because of not being satisfaction,

many time I think I am just a human but looking around me some time environment make me patriotic but when I see my so called leader I never find them leader just selfish I feel sorrow that I feel it and try to follow them who are real leaders then I find they never did so… its mean being a leader is ideal which is leader for everyone, everywhere, when I look around me the foolish who only rise slogan for them who never raised slogan for them self I feel angry,

I hate them who are sweet by face but black in heart but I never grow the gut to say them I think it is my dual face if I dislike anybody, if I know somebody only want to use me or only take works from me I should say him but I can’t,

I think I should be siting this time at any channel doing a talk show, I should had written many books but I have nothing, I always feel that I am dying I always feel death closely, I don’t want to remember it, I don’t want to remember beautiful face and I don’t want to remember them who have hurt me but never can forget them, it’s my failure,

I never have given value myself, first I thought others , I feel myself bounded for others, its burden on me but I can’t less this burden I don’t know why?

I know many places I couldn’t reach and couldn’t get good position this is the reason that I took extra burden on me,

I look a future where I am not satisfy but I think I am able to be remember after me, people say that I take small talks on my heart but I never discuss these to them how they know it? but I can’t hide it too, I think a lots but still when I talk I feel it’s not the right place of talking, maybe I am not powerful to bear criticize on me but when someone start praising me I also feel shy and feel I’m not able for it, I am being ridicule, the thing which is hard for me that is forgetting and easy for me is believing on others….